Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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