Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
