It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
