So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
