at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Sober January is a disaster.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
