I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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