look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize