Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
