you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize