Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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