she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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