he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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