dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
