If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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