It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize