My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
