I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
