so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
