He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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