Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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