Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
