Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
this hospital has no fireball
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
