12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize