Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
