I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I smell like Dick and happiness
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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