Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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