I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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