home. puking in laundry basket.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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