thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
be right there i have to get my cape
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
