Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
