I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
