I wish I only lived at night.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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