i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
