Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
