i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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