Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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