Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
