I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
