would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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