I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize