I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
