My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I believe in your delicious
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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