Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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