i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Randomize
