i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize
