woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize