I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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