I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
