I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He did a backflip because drugs
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
