I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
