I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize