she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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