im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
