i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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