I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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