Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
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