bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
