I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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