OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
