pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
