what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
