The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
