Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
