i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
and she was petting her beer can
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
