I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
