You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
