New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
