those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
