The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
