possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I AM VODKA MAN
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
